The Forest and the Outlaw

I’ve been meaning to write one of these for a long time, and I like “Life List” more than “bucket list”, which is both depressing and associated with a movie that I did not see but am willing to say was terrible.

1. Learn to surf
2. Write a book, for real this time
3. Make cheese
4. Win a game of chess, against a human
5. Live on a farm
6. Learn an instrument
7. Create something totally awesome with Lauren
8. Host a dinner party
9. Visit 50 countries

1. Canada
2. England
3. France
4. Japan
5. Senegal
6. The Gambia
7. Germany
8. The Netherlands
9. Belgium
10. Luxembourg

10. Visit all 50 states
11. Visit all 13 provinces and territories
12. Visit Angkor Wat
13. Visit the Galapagos
14. Get my viking on at L’Anse aux Meadows
15. See the towns where my ancestors lived

• Elmshorn, Germany (2008)
• Bergen, Norway
• County Cork, Ireland
• Berkeley Plantation, Virginia

16. Take a road trip to find America
17. Hike all of a National Scenic Trail
18. Take a trip without planning it out beforehand
19. Raft down the Grand Canyon (2005, 2008)
20. Vacation somewhere that’s only accessible by boat
21. See a Shakespeare play at the Globe reconstruction (A Midsummer Night’s Dream, 2008)
22. See fireflies in real life
23. See lava flows in Hawaii
24. Climb Half Dome. On the trail, not the face.
25. Tour some place by bicycle
26. Hike in Yellowstone
27. Thoreau it up for a while
28. Have Afternoon Tea at the Palace Hotel
29. Take a wine tasting class
30. Buy a painting
31. Learn to mix drinks
32. Learn to drive stick
33. Learn to knit
34. Get and maintain a plot in a community garden
35. Speak in front of 100+ people
36. Attend a ball
37. Create public art
38. Introduce a kid to my favorite books
39. Own property
40. Own chickens
41. Own bees
42. Take my dad camping again
43. Learn to recognize the common plants and birds of Northern California
44. Get a tattoo
45. Take an active role in a political campaign
46. Cook something from Mastering the Art of French Cooking, with no shortcuts
47. Cook a goose
48. Learn how to maintain my bike
49. Paint a room
50. High-five strangers (Tokyo, 2005)
51. Pick a lock
52. Eat at the restaurant with the phone number 892-2566 with Lauren
53. Eat guinea pig
54. Visit Machu Picchu
55. Climb one of the Seven Summits
56-100 reserved for future plans.

Lauren: and what’s up with [Michael Shanks] being in movies about crazy animals?
Carrie: He’s only got the two
Lauren: that’s two more than most people
Lauren: next he’ll be in STAMPEDE, about a herd of genetically altered cows
Carrie: He’s been afraid of cows since his father was trampled to death in front of him!
Lauren: and he grew up on a farm, so he’s got a thick cowboy accent, and wears chaps
Lauren: even though he’s a real estate agent
Carrie: Now he must team up with a beautiful cow-ologist to survive
Lauren: and face his ultimate fear: STAMPEDE
Carrie: Also starring Kazakhstan as West Texas
Lauren: after the success of STAMPEDE, he’ll be in a movie called Nuts about squirrels working for the mob
Carrie: Then Peanut, about genetically altered peanuts that EVERYONE is allergic to.
Carrie: He has to team up with a beautiful epi-pen manufacturer
Lauren: Just combine the two, where the squirrels are working for the mob to distribute the genetically altered peanuts
Lauren: because who else would be able to get them spread throughout the entirety of new york city if everyone is allergic to them?
Carrie: That makes sense
Carrie: Michael Shanks has avoided peanuts ever since he watched his father choke to death on one.
Lauren: how about his father was just allergic to peanuts and he mistakenly gave his dad a peanut m&m (product placement! we can get sponsored!)
Lauren: he’ll be a doctor who has worked tirelessly his entire life to combat peanut allergies, even going so far as testing experimental drugs on himself – which is why he’s not dead
Carrie: Also starring Minsk as New York City

Is what you would assume Senegal is, based on my photos. It is Lauren’s fault, she wouldn’t let me take pictures of goats.

Lauren: anaconda 4: serpentmageddon?
Carrie: Anaconda 4: Still in Eastern Europe, No Really.
Lauren: the third was in eastern europe?
Carrie: yep
Lauren: anaconda 4: mcmurdo station
Carrie: Anaconda 5: On The Moon
Lauren: anaconda 6: invasion, where the anacondas interbreed with aliens and try to take over the earth
Carrie: Anaconda 7: Touched By An Anaconda, where God sends down a killer snake to teach the world to love
Lauren: anaconda 8: stone of cold fire
Lauren: where a meteor comes to earth, infested with space anacondas, and wipes out most of human life, the survivors have to compete with anacondas to survive
Carrie: Anaconda 9: Havana Nights
Carrie: A snake and a girl defy social taboos to win a dance contest
Lauren: that’s after humanity has rebuilt itself, and anacondas and humans live in peace, of course
Lauren: anaconda 10: the musical
Carrie: Starring Beyonce
Lauren: and miley cyrus
Lauren: anaconda 11: look who’s talking now
Lauren: I think I could do this all day